Where are you people?

When I got into this business, it had a "one of us, one of them" policy. But it's getting harder and harder to find a one of them. Where have you all gone?

I remember the good ol' days when silly super-powered bloggers were posting right and left.

Clearly, you need some incentive. So, hear me out. Being the ingenious paper salesman that I am, I got to thinking, "Hey, isn't the Web just paper that's invisible?" and, "Don't people need invisible paper too?" then, "Especially if that invisible paper has entertaining stuff to read!" and a while later, "Would the entertaining stuff be written in invisible ink?"

After all my pondering about this so-called Internet, I came up with a plan to end all plans. What is the one thing that makes people do stuff?

Other than pointing a gun at them.

Other than pointing two guns at them.

Paying them!

Yes, everyone, it seems, is motivated by a little greenback. So, let's try that. If you're interested in making some money with the online stories of your gallant adventures, then let me know. We'll give it a shot, and I'm not talking about silly Google Adwords where you make $100 every seven years. I'm talking about a real monthly stipend to write.

"Do I have to be a spammer?" you're asking.

I'll answer, "Of course not!" Now, sure, if you want you can go around constantly shouting, "Oh, my God! I have bad credit, yet still can get a loan for my small business!" However, if that's what you want to do, who am I to stand in your way?

My method, though, is far more subtle. It's far more entertaining and comes with an overall less prostitution feel to it. Plus, it's a group effort. If we all join in on the blogging fun, we can be more beneficial to potential sponsors and reap greater rewards.

If you don't like it, I can always just go back to bag and tagging you.

(So, seriously, comment here or email me at bennet at primatechpaper.org if you're interested.)